I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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