Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
