my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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