i already hear my dad disowning me
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
