Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need a beard to bite.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
