toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
