she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
