woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
