Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
