I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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