forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I touched a dick in church today
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