ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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