I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
