At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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