using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
