She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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