Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
