im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
