I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Enjoy the penises
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
