I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I can't turn off my feet"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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