Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
