Life is so much better after having sex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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