I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
