This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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