Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
