She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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