I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
