Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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