I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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