Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
