this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
