I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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