dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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