i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
