i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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