Tell her she can't have a vagina
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
