there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
