I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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