So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize