can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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