If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
