Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
