I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
