dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
