He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize