oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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