brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
another moral hangover. fuck.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
