Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
