i was born a porn star she said
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
