She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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