I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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