Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
