So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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