Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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