my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
