My balls are so social today.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
