the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
