I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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