we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
