Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
