did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
