I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
