headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
