hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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