but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
