Im at strip club and am horny
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
