porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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