he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dick very happy bro
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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