I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize