Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
