Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
