Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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