He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
