Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This is the high leading the old right now
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
