A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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