I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
