i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
