we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
God, I missed his penis.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
