i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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