all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
