dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
