So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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